So! This is my first post. Exciting...Haha. I don't really know where to start! There's a lot of things on my mind right now. I guess I should start by introducing myself maybe. My name is Kayley, I'm 20 years old. And I have only ever lived in this small town in Florida. But that's soon to change! I'm in love with a man serving our country. His name is Danar. (Day-nar) We have been together happily since October 19th, 2011. And we recently got engaged! I'm getting married soon and going overseas to be with him and live in England for up to 2 years! Talk about exciting!! I feel like i'm the luckiest girl in the world. I can't wait to wake up every morning and see his face... I'm so tired of that depressing wake up, and him not being there.
I've been excited to start planning our wedding. But my wedding "mojo" has kinda stopped at this moment. Not cause i'm not excited, i'm overwhelmingly stoked. But....Danar's mother keeps changing her mind about me? She has said a lot of hurtful things to be in the past and now just a few days ago. I'm incredibly stressed, I almost feel depressed? I feel like I should be past the point of trying to have his mom accept me. And it's crazy cause she always goes back and forth. And i'm just like "JUST LIKE ME WOMAN!" It's really hard for me to accept rejection. And i've never felt rejection like this before. I have never cried so many times because of a grown ass woman. Danar says he's going to take care of it. But honestly i'm worried. He comes home Jan 7th, and what if things aren't better with his mom and I? Will I still be able to stay with them while he's home or will she forbid it? A whole bunch of things keeps running through my head. I can't help but to feel hurt and to feel incredibly small. I feel like i'm a pretty likable person, and she's said she's loved me before. Bi-polar tendancies you think? I don't know...
On the brightside, today I got my third tattoo. I got "Have Faith In Me." It's one of my favorite songs by my favorite band, A Day To Remember. If anyone is their biggest fan it's me! I've seen them in my town 4 times, drove to their hometown down in Ocala for their hometown show, which was amazing by the way! I have the whole band sign my homesick cd, and on the actual CD, Jeremy McKinnon wrote on it "I love you Kayley T****n. :D Oh, and I have a picture of him holding a sign saying the band loves me. Haha.
But not only am I a fan. I think it's positive. It can go in many different directions on how you wanna take it. But for me, not only does it remind me of the time where Danar would write those lyrics all over his letters he sent me when he was in basic over two years ago. Which I still have ALL his letters. <333
Next monday i'm getting my high thigh tattoo started. I'm pretty excited.
Moving on.
It seems like everything has been almost too perfect until recently, it's been awful. I feel like no one likes me, and i'm constantly being judged. This is another reason why i'm starting to despise Facebook. It lets people not have the balls to do shit to their face. It's annoying. I hate it when people want to talk bad about me. I don't understand. I never ever think it's because people are "jealous" of me. Because honestly, I don't think anyone is,or should be. I feel like i'm on a rocking rollarcoaster trying to keep on smiling and fighting the tears. I'm probably the most sensitive person in the world. I get my feelings hurt so much, it's stupid. I wish I wasn't this way. But I don't know how to change that, cause that's just the way I am. You know?
I really hope within the next few weeks things change around for me. Cause I am tired of sitting in my own puddle of pity. But it's so comfortable. And I don't know how to make things better. I don't know where to start. I'm not the type of person that "Just doesn't care."
I do care. I care a lot.About a lot of things. Important or stupid. That's just....me.
But maybe in the future....I can improve the me that I am. We shall see.
